Sit Still, Look Pretty (Or, Pablo Neruda Can Suck It)

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Estimated time to read:

3–5 minutes

No, I don’t wan­na sit still look pretty 

~Daya, Sit Still, Look Pretty

My whole life, any time I have men­tioned that I loved poet­ry, peo­ple ask me if I had read Neruda. As in Pablo Neruda, wide­ly con­sid­ered Chile’s great­est and most pro­lif­ic poet. Neruda, who in 1971 became only the sec­ond Chilean award­ed the Nobel Prize for lit­er­a­ture. Neruda, who the literati assumed enlight­ened … until alle­ga­tions of sex­u­al mis­con­duct arose dur­ing the #MeToo era. It is now clear he raped a Sri Lankan clean­ing woman in 1930 and then wrote shame­less­ly about it; it is also clear that he under­stood she did not give con­sent. “She was right to despise me,” he wrote after­ward. He left his only child and her moth­er because his daugh­ter had hydro­cephalus. A 2018 deci­sion to rename Chile’s busiest inter­na­tion­al air­port after him was met with so much out­rage from human rights activists that it was quick­ly shot down.

So it seems that Mr. Neruda, born Ricardo Eliécer Neftalí Reyes Basoalto, and dying a mere month after my birth in 1973, has been can­celed. In many ways, many still applaud his tal­ent and (per­haps?) excuse some of his more unac­cept­able behav­ior. His behav­ior, by 2023 stan­dards, was def­i­nite­ly not the stan­dard mores for a very famous, (basi­cal­ly white) South American man in the ear­ly 1900s. He was a dark, com­pli­cat­ed, priv­i­leged, white misog­y­nist, but then why wouldn’t he have been? Of course he was.

My fel­low fem­i­nists will be dis­ap­point­ed to learn that this isn’t the main rea­son I despise him. I have lit­er­al­ly nev­er liked him (my yoga stu­dents are real­iz­ing in real time that I have nev­er read a Neruda poem at the end of class, even though his mun­dane poet­ry is con­sid­ered stan­dard in the well­ness world). 

I remem­ber mem­o­riz­ing part of Neruda’s Poem XV in col­lege, cir­ca 1993. The first line went:

I like for you to be still: it is as though you were absent.

My ini­tial response was barf then and remains barf today. Even in 1993, I was sick and tired of being told to sit still, look pret­ty. He wants her, his love, to bear wit­ness to his great­ness, as long as she remains qui­et and com­pli­ant. It seemed Neruda was just anoth­er in a long, bor­ing line of male writ­ers look­ing to make all women their per­son­al fetish­es. Snore.

My dis­dain also comes not from the fact he was a died-in-the-wool com­mu­nist who lion­ized Stalin (in 1949, he escaped Chile by horse­back across the snow-capped Andes Mountains to Argentina to escape arrest). It isn’t his flaws as a human I react­ed to all those years ago. It was always his poet­ry, which seemed to me to be cliched at best and hack­neyed at worst (though I do admit a fond­ness for his Ode to Tomatoes). 

Consider this line from Neruda’s Ode to Some Yellow Flowers:

We are dust and to dust return. In the end we’re nei­ther air, nor fire, nor water, just dirt, nei­ther more nor less, just dirt, and maybe some yel­low flow­ers.  

Nope. We’re air. And fire. And water. And dirt. And yel­low flow­ers. We’re all com­pli­cat­ed and lay­ered beings, full of all the things and all the feel­ings. It’s far too Nietzsche’s God is Dead for me, too bleak, too much of a one-note trea­tise on the human condition.

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And what about Poem XX? 

She loved me, some­times I also loved her. How could he not have loved her big star­ing eyes?

Again, barf. He sort of loved her, but only because she stared at him with big (and we can assume ador­ing and love-haunt­ed) eyes. His love was only a reflec­tion of her obses­sion with him. His love poems reek of reci­procity rather than self­less­ness. He will love deeply, but only as long as he gets what he wants from the relationship.

Consider this line: If sud­den­ly you for­get me, do not look for me, for I shall already have for­got­ten you. 

Was Neruda the People’s Poet or a com­plete ass­hole? The won­der­ful thing about poet­ry is that we each get to inter­pret it as we want. As we are. So all of your per­sua­sions that he is incred­i­ble shall fall on my deaf ears. Just as this writ­ing will be quick­ly dis­re­gard­ed by most Neruda lovers. 

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